1. Smile.
"There's lots of research that suggests if you smile, even in a fake way, it will indirectly lift your mood," which makes you feel safe and relaxed, says Nancy Etcoff, clinical instructor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and author of Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty (Anchor). Don't believe her? Try holding a pencil horizontally between your teeth—not your lips—to mimic the effect.
2. Take the compliment already.
If someone praises you, smile and say thanks—don't argue or play the whole thing down. "Accepting a compliment at face value feels good," says Judith S. Beck, director of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research. "Don't add any qualifiers."
3. Forget stereotypes.
Women tend to get worse at things when they're aware a task is "typically male." For instance, women did well on math problems in a study at Dartmouth College—until they were reminded of the belief that men are better with numbers. So forget that kind of thinking before you start a new project.
4. Stop waffling.
"When people have low self-confidence, they tend to overanalyze everything," says Marshall Goldsmith, an executive coach and author of Mojo (Hyperion). Should I do this, should I do that...it gets paralyzing. "Making a big decision will make you feel stronger and more capable," he says.
5. Improve your skin.
"There are four secret concealer places that make your whole face look better," says makeup artist Mally Roncal. "The inner dark corners of the eyes, the outer corners of the eyes, either side of the nostrils, and either side of your mouth—dab concealer lightly on those areas." For the best concealers,
click here.6. Learn something,
like a new language (
rosettastone.com) or how to make a pie crust from scratch (
epicurious.com). "The better you become, the more confident you'll be in general—not just when you're doing that thing," says Etcoff.
7. Meditate.
People who meditated at least five days a week improved their self-acceptance in a study at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. Here's how it worked: They sat quietly, paid attention to their breathing, and thought compassionately about themselves or someone else.
8. Stop apologizing.
Spend one 24-hour period without unnecessarily saying, "I'm sorry." "People often say they're sorry when they're feeling insecure," says Beck. Force yourself to quit, and you'll feel more self-assured.
9. Smell something crisp.
Weird, but it works. "Green apple and cucumber are the most effective smells for reducing anxiety," says Alan R. Hirsch, founder and neurological director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago. Spray the scent on your wrists, and when you feel stressed, take a whiff. Two fragrances we love:
DKNY Be Delicious and
Nina Ricci Love By Nina.10. Give your skin a rest.
"Sleep is critical to reducing inflammation in the skin," says Amy Wechsler, dermatologist and author of The Mind-Beauty Connection (Free Press). "Sleep can undo many of the signs of aging that stress hormones have created during the day."
11. Step away from the mirror.
When women spend more time on their appearance than on other things, they're less happy, according to a study at the University of California, Berkeley. We're not saying you can't care about your looks—just that going overboard can distract you from other facets of your life.
12. Straighten up.
Victoria's Secret models do it before they hit the runway in their undies, and no matter how hot their bodies, you know they need confidence there and then. "When I work with Victoria's Secret models, the first thing I tell them is to pull their navels toward their spines, roll their shoulders back, and stick their chests out," says Kacy Duke of Kacy Duke Fitness and author of The Show It Love Workout (McGraw-Hill). "It's not easy—those wings are heavy."
13. Reward yourself. A lot.
"Give yourself credit for small, daily accomplishments," says Beck. "Don't wait until a project is finished." One way: Make a list of what you have done (not what you have left to do).
14. Give yourself some color.
Most people tend to feel healthier with a tan (even though a real tan is pretty much the opposite of healthy.) Roncal advises rubbing a few drops of self-tanner in with your moisturizer. "It makes you look like you're outdoorsy and vibrant even if you're not feeling that way," she says. For our favorite self-tanners,
click here.
15. Dump the junk.
"Choosing foods like grilled vegetables and fish or going completely raw will make you feel great, which can lead to a better self-image," says Zoë Sakoutis, founder of Blueprint Cleanse.
16. Recover from failure.
Defeat is inevitable, so accept that it will happen occasionally. "Know that you will make bad decisions and you won't succeed at everything," says Goldsmith. The fastest way to get over it? Focus on the next challenge.
17. Brighten up.
One of the quickest ways to look and feel fresher is a peel. "You can go to a doctor for a 20 percent salicylic acid peel," says Wechsler. "Or at home, try a yogurt-and-honey mask—plain, full-fat yogurt is rich in lactic acid, and the honey is soothing and antibacterial. It exfoliates and makes the skin look dewier."
18. Work out.
"Even just one trip to the gym increases positive feelings about your body," says psychiatrist Laura Berman, author of The Book of Love (DK Publishing).
19. Change your hair color.
Women who dyed their hair were more confident at work, a study at the Nottingham Trent University in England found. "After coloring their hair, they were much more likely to ask for a raise, challenge their boss, or put their foot down when confronted by a coworker," according to the lead researcher.
20. Don't freak out about your mistakes.
"People are much more forgiving than we imagine them to be," says Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University and author of The Curse of the Self (Oxford University Press). "People may not stand up and cheer in the aisles when you give a speech, but no one else will notice if you flub a line or lose your place. It's going to be far worse in your mind than in anyone else's."
21. Assume people like you.
This simple thing "makes it a lot easier to walk into a room," says Beck.
22. Push harder.
Soreness after exercise makes people feel strong, according to Duke: "When my clients work out hard, they feel so much better about themselves. You can always tell someone is proud when she starts bragging about how sore she is."
23. Accentuate the positive.
"Don't allow yourself to think that you're not good at a certain activity," says Goldsmith. Instead, tell yourself that you really want to learn a new language or pick up the piano again—it will make the whole thing much more enjoyable.
24. Don't sweat it.
"You can treat sweaty palms or excessive perspiration in your armpits or on your scalp with a Botox injection," says Wechsler. "Once you don't have to live in fear of shaking someone's hand, you'll feel a thousand times better."
25. Clean out your wallet.
"Set a time every week to go through your wallet," says Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project (HarperCollins). "File receipts and business cards, and toss scraps of paper. Managing one small, critical thing will help you feel in control of your life."
26. Quit feeling jealous.
Ask yourself how good you need to be, suggests Leary. "Rarely do we need to be the most attractive, the funniest, or the wealthiest."
27. Feel like you dropped a size.
Women who wear spicy, floral fragrances seem thinner than they actually are. "On average, men perceive women to be 12 pounds thinner when they're wearing these fragrances," explains Hirsch. So if worrying about your weight kills your confidence, remembering this could relieve some anxiety. We like
Ralph Lauren Notorious
28. Make eye contact.
When you're talking to someone, look her in the eye. "It's a habit of really confident people," says Beck. "If the other person doesn't see your insecurities, you won't be as aware of them either."
29. Remember the good.
Think back over the past few weeks and write down every nice thing someone said to you. Then consult that list when you're feeling self-doubt.
30. Get chatty.
"Start talking to people—at the coffee shop, on the airplane, in line at the movies," says Beck. "Engaging with someone else will make you feel good about yourself."
31. Stop procrastinating.
"It's a huge confidence crusher," says Beck. If you're avoiding a nightmare task, start with something small that you've been putting off: "Once you accomplish that, a big task feels less daunting."
32. Wear lipstick.
Makeup can make a woman think she's seeing a different person in the mirror, according to a study by researchers for Kanebo Cosmetics in Japan. "In this study, when the women saw themselves as a more confident or assertive individual, they fit into that role," says Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness (Morgan James). Get a list of our
editors' favorite lipsticks here.
33. Volunteer.
"There is plenty of research to suggest that people who volunteer feel much better about themselves," says Beck.
34. Stop slouching.
It's not just about your posture or your sore back. Hunching over at your desk can make you less likely to believe positive things about yourself, according to a recent study at Ohio State University.
35. Think young.
Telling yourself that you feel younger than you are will help you act that way, according to research from Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. "We found that people who maintained a sense of youthfulness were more likely to have greater confidence about their cognitive abilities ten years later," said Markus Schafer, one of the study authors and a doctoral candidate of sociology at the schools.
36. Donate clothes.
This has the benefit of doing something good and clearing out clutter.
37. Don't bother with a mantra.
Repeating an affirmation, such as "I am a lovable person," can actually make you feel worse if you are prone to low self-esteem—you'll be likely to automatically think, No, I'm not, according to researchers at the University of Waterloo and the University of New Brunswick in Canada.
38. Be grateful.
Write a thank-you note, or call someone to say thanks for lunch the other day. "People who express gratitude are happier with themselves," says Beck.
39. Get a blowout.
"Whenever I start blow-drying someone's hair, I always do the front first," says hairstylist Mark Townsend of the Marie Robinson Salon in New York City. "As soon as women see their hair blown out, they act differently. By the time they leave, their shoulders are back, there's a swing in their step—they feel better."
40. Walk more.
Women who walked an additional 3,500 steps a day (about a half-hour of moderate exercise) for three days a week reported that their body-image satisfaction improved in a study at McMaster University in Ontario, Canada. Any increase can help, since researchers found that the more steps a woman took, the happier she became with her body.
41. Don't overreach.
Danes are the happiest people in the world largely because they have realistic goals, according to a recent study. Says Etcoff, "Have aspirations, but don't aim for unattainable perfection."
42. Be sporty.
Taking up a new sport can make you feel better about yourself, says Beck. Whatever the activity, "confidence doesn't only come from being a great surfer. It comes from trying.
43. Imagine you never existed.
Sounds morbid, yes. But if you envision how others' lives would be different if you hadn't been born, you'll quickly learn your own value, according to a study at the University of Virginia.
44. Picture yourself succeeding.
Visualize yourself doing what seems to be an insurmountable task. If you can give a perfect presentation at work, even in your mind, experts say you're more likely to accomplish the goal in real life.
Courtsey of Cupcakes and Cashmere
